Alignment Coaching | Shay Dominguez

There is a plethora of advice online these days.

When you open your phone, it’s

“You should do this!”
“Never do this!”
“Do it like me!”

But how do we know if it’s actually for us?

Even asking a friend or someone you’ve spilled your heart out to at a networking event (come on, we’ve all done it) for advice sometimes doesn’t hit.

You leave feeling like you have an answer, but not the answer.

In defense of the Internet, you are simply looking at a one way screen – there is no real back and forth connection.

People who have overcome obstacles want to share what worked for them.
But what works for one life doesn’t always work for another.

It’s not the creator’s fault or the viewer’s fault – it’s simply the fault of the system of the Internet.

But eventually, you come to a point where you feel a calling to stop listening to outside voices and turn inward.

That doesn’t mean you can never have a sounding board from other people. Actually, this is exactly where the best advice comes from.

How To Give Bad Advice

Let’s say you meet up with a friend for coffee in the midst of you making a big transition in your life – career-wise, creatively, relationship, etc.

You share your thoughts and end it with “I just don’t know what to do. What do you think?”

And your friend continues “If I were in your shoes I’d…”

Eeeeeee (tires screeching). STOP.

I absolutely love the sentiment of this phrasing and the fact that your fiction-ary friend wants to help you out.

They’re telling you what they would do in your situation while still standing in their life.

You may absolutely love or hate the advice.

If you hate it, you’ll likely seek other outside sources – parents, your barista, your dog, maybe even your mechanic.

However, if you love it, every time you feel you need advice, the thought pops in your head “I should ask my fiction-ary friend!”

Do that over and over and you’ve created a dependency on your friend’s advice.

Not only do you continue to live through this friend’s advice (which may or may not be right for you), but it can now cloud your judgment on your friendship, your life, and your discernment everywhere.

*To some of you, your fiction-ary friend may be ChatGPT. But honestly, ChatGPT does not have the experience or closeness a friend will have.

How To Give great Advice

Let’s say we DO NOT want to form an emotional dependency on a friend, this is how you’d do it.

You’re going through the big transition in your life – let’s say with posting content (classic) – you talk with your friend and say “I just don’t know what to do. What do you think?”

What’s the best answer?

It’s usually not a statement – especially a “This is what I’d do…”

The best answer is a question.

And the conversation may go on like this:

“Well, what do you want to do?”
“I WANT to just post 3x a week and be ok with that.”
“Why aren’t you doing that?”
“Because I feel like I have to be posting everyday to keep up with everybody.”
“Why do you feel like you have to keep up with everybody?”
“Because if I don’t, I’ll feel like a failure.”

DING DING DING DING!

THE REAL JOB OF ADVICE

Notice what just happened in that conversation.

Your friend didn’t tell you what to do.
They didn’t give you a strategy.
They didn’t tell you their opinion.

They simply helped you hear yourself.

And suddenly the problem isn’t
“How often should I post?”

The real problem becomes:
“I’m afraid of feeling like a failure.”

That’s a completely different conversation.

Because once the real problem is visible, the decision becomes much clearer.

This is what great advice actually does.

It doesn’t solve the problem for you.

It helps you see the real problem.

If your friend were to just say:

“If I were you, I’d just not post, who cares?!”
“Social media sucks, just get off of it.”
“If I were you, I’d post everyday because that’s what everyone who is successful is doing.”

Those may feel good in the short run:

“You’re right who gives a f*ck?!”
“You’re so right, I’m deleting the apps off my phone as you speak.”
“I’ll just grind harder and post everyday.”

Your friend can have their own beliefs about your situation, but they will always be through a lens of their life.

But if they simply question (curiously, not an interrogation) your words and thoughts, you can get to the root of how you actually feel.

Because how you feel directly relates to how you make decisions.
And decisions made from someone else’s answers rarely fit your life.

And if you never get to the root of how you feel and why that is, you may never see your decisions clearly.

So the next time you see advice online that doesn’t resonate with you, remember:
They don’t know you.

They don’t know your fears, your history, your motivations, or the quiet voice inside you trying to guide you somewhere new.

And that’s not a failure of the advice.

It’s simply the limitation of a one-way screen.

The best advice has never been a command.
It’s a conversation.

And when someone asks the right questions – or when you learn to ask them of yourself – something interesting happens.

You stop looking for the answer.
And you start hearing it.

What’s a decision in your life right now where you might already know the answer – but haven’t admitted it to yourself yet?

Til next time,
Shay

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If you’re in a transition and looking for a space to think clearly, I offer 1:1 coaching for creatives and entrepreneurs navigating big decisions.

Sometimes the most powerful thing isn’t advice – it’s the right questions.

You can book a Discovery Call below.