The pressure of having life figured out can feel debilitating, but how do we know we are actually growing?
A Special Kind of Book Club
Every Wednesday at 7:30pm in West Hollywood, CA I go to a book club.
We have read Unf*ck Yourself, The Magic, You Are A Badass, and many more. We are currently in the middle of The Alchemist — an important book I read right before moving to LA.
But this past Wednesday we said NO READING and instead celebrated the winter holidays by sharing and listening to each other (also while drinking wine and eating food, of course).
I LOVE this group. We are very diverse and come from different backgrounds — real estate, personal trainer, actors, musicians, medical sales – but most importantly, to me, we are a group of thinkers, doers and dreamers.
Our party game was to sit in a circle and ask questions, reflecting on the past year and thinking forward to the next year.
Our reflection questions
At this moment, what advice would you give your 12 year old self?”
What was your biggest lesson and what are you most proud of in 2019?
What would have to happen next year to make it a phenomenal one?
What are your goals for 2020?
I absolutely love groups that are all about growth, reflection, and goals.
And whether or not you create or track concrete goals, I want to share with you five habits and traits that will keep you you growing and winning at life.
1. Approach The World With Love
At 12 years old, I wasn’t sure what love truly meant.
Yes, I was loved by my parents, family, and friends, but I didn’t know what it mean to approach or lead with love.
But now, I know love can change everything.
When you love someone, you understand.
You may not understand why people do certain things and you don’t even have to like what they do, but you understand:
- we all come from the same place
- we all have struggles
- we all have ways to cope with those struggles
- sometimes all somebody needs is LOVE
Have you ever noticed the joy someone feels when receiving a simple hello on the sidewalk?
It’s as easy at that.
And it’s within you, always.
One of my favorite speakers and authors, Gabrielle Bernstein, often quotes A Course in Miracles
“I am not here to teach you the meaning of love, I am here to release all that blocks you from the presence of love within you”.
Life may challenge you, but growth comes from being able to give love even in the darkest places.
You always have an infinite amount of love to give and it’s always inside of you.
2. Allow Yourself To Be Authentic
*Bonus: I didn’t give a second answer last night, but it would have been to tell 12 year old Shay “don’t shave your legs!”. I remember coming home from my first day of 7th grade thinking I needed to be something I was not in order to fit in. So I shaved my legs because all the other girls were and I decided I needed to start growing out my hair out.
still cute tho
The point is, I didn’t NEED to do any of that. We don’t NEED to follow the actions of the people around us to fit in. We NEED to be ourselves, be comfortable, and the right people will gravitate. Thank goodness I still had amazing high school friends!!!
3. Release The Pressure To Have Everything Figured Out
Growth isn’t just doing more, it’s releasing what’s holding you back.
My biggest lesson from 2019 is that I don’t have to have everything figured out. I constantly remind myself that there is no rush to have everything figured out – a career, a relationship, where I’m going to live the rest of my life, and so on. I feel I’m still exploring my interests, finding new activities and hobbies. I’m really excited to create in different ways, most importantly, in my own way. It is critical to stick to your gut (it talks to you, i promise; you just gotta listen) and don’t let other people’s opinions of what they think life should look like, affect the decisions in your own.
4. Take Small Courageous Actions
I am most proud of how much I’ve grown performing music in front of an audience. I sang karaoke with my mom about a week ago surrounded by both friends and strangers. You ask me to sing karaoke two years ago and I’d be like “lol nah”. Even though it sounded fun, I was too embarrassed and insecure. Lucky for everyone, I’m not anymore!!!
5. Trust The Process of Becoming
So maybe it’d be fun to ask yourself these questions or maybe gather a group! Think, reflect, look forward, and move forward! As always, I’m excited to grow, learn, and love! Will you join me?
Til next time,
Shay
Blog written December 2019, Updated March 2026.