Live By Your Own Rules

From 2nd grade all the way to my senior year of high school, I kept the secret of being gay. It was hard.

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My internal dialogue was anything but quiet at that time. I felt as if I was living in a cage and had a job to do – make sure that anyone who passed by never saw the cage. I would perform, act and do anything to take their attention away from the cage.

This was me living for other people. Locking myself up to make other people feel comfortable. Hiding my feelings so no one else had to deal with the realness of them. Being someone else because who I was really, was not acceptable.

I deeply remember the moment I started living for other people. It was the first day of middle school – 7th grade. I went from a class of 20 to a class of over 100 people, which meant a lot more people to keep distracted from my cage.

As I went through my first day, I noticed all the differences between myself and every other girl in the school. They wore name brand clothes – like Hollister or Abercrombie – some of them had makeup on, most of them, if not all of them, had long, flowy hair, their legs were shaved and eyebrows plucked.

I, on the other hand, had barely even heard of Hollister or Abercrombie, never had the desire to wear make up, had short hair, similar to my haircut now, hairy legs and bushy eyebrows.

I don’t remember the exact feelings I had walking out of school that day, but they were significant enough that I went home, shaved my legs, shaved my eyebrows (big mistake, y’all) and decided that I would be growing out my hair.

This was the moment, at 12 years old, where I started living for other people.

Since then, my life has been a domino effect of decisions I’ve made living for other people.

Growing up, I was taught to not make too much noise, follow the straight and narrow path, have a backup plan, don’t make bad decisions, don’t say curse words.

Now, those ideas may sound like good lessons and advice and they can be, but it’s also important to remember that there may be better lessons and better advice out there that resonates with YOU.

It isn’t about saying “This lesson is wrong or this lesson is right,” it’s about knowing “This lesson is right for me or this lesson is wrong for me”.

I’m supposed to stay quiet while everyone stares at me as I walk in a room?
Why would I follow the straight and narrow path when it doesn’t light me up?
How good is a back up plan if I only use it when my main, most inspiring plan doesn’t come to fruition?
How can I learn and grow if I don’t make bad decisions? What is a bad decision anyway?
And don’t say curse words? Have you heard of Gary V??

I’m not saying these lessons are bad or wrong. I’m not saying the people who follow and teach them are bad or wrong. All I’m saying is they don’t work for me.

Even as an adult, people tell me what the rules of the world are –
you have to post ‘these things’, you have to act ‘this way’, you have to present yourself as ‘this person’.

And people share these things with me because that is the lived experience they’ve had and they want to pass it along to me. While this is very kind, and the advice may very well be true, that does not mean it applies to why I’m here, my purpose, and how I live my life.

There are over 7 billion people on the planet. Do you think all the rules you’ve been taught apply to everyone? Have you questioned the rules you’ve been given and followed?

When we live our lives by these fabricated rules, we are no longer leaders or creators in our lives – we are followers… OF OUR OWN LIVES.

So, what happens when we’ve lived all our lives by those rules taught to us?

That’s who people – family, friends, people on social media – think we are.

When we realize that our past experiences have been lived through the lens of being a follower of our life, it can light a fire under us to want to become the leader and creator instead.

WARNING: This tends to ruffle some feathers. Mostly with those closest to us.

But I want you to know – you have permission.

You have permission to give up all those rules that don’t feel good or right for you and create your own. Live by your own standards, your own beliefs, philosophies, plans, and ideas of how life should be lived.

The odds of you being alive are nearly inconceivable. That is why it is so important to live YOUR life, live for YOUR experience, create YOUR story.

People will ask – “Who are you? Why are you changing? You’re not supposed to be changing. See? Here are the rules. You’re not following them. Do you know what can happen when you don’t follow the rules?”

Yes, I do know what can happen when I don’t follow the rules.

I can be free. Finally.

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”
Jim Carrey

What have you been holding back on because of fear of not being accepted by those closest to you?

Comment below and share with me! 🙂

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Til next week…
Shay