I was writing in my Freedom Journal last night leaving my final thoughts of the day. (I’m using The Freedom Journal by John Lee Dumas as a way to keep me on track for writing 100 blogs in 100 days. I’m really loving it so far! It’s super simple, fill it out in the morning and night, and it’s a great way to pause and get my thoughts out on paper – so important to me!)
Anyway, a thought popped into my head and I wrote it down…”you love yourself, right?” It caught me off guard. Well, yeah of course I love myself. I continued writing, “Well you’re finding weird ways to show it”. I thought about it for a few moments.
Before moving to Atlanta, I had been in the running for a sales position at a very fun, hip video creation and consultation company. I made the *bonus video* and the staff loved it, had a second phone interview and waited a few days to get the yay or nay. Unfortunately, after anxiously waiting, I was given the nay. I felt pretty discouraged after that. It would’ve been a full-time PLUS job and I would’ve gotten paid a good salary, which I understood would have taken time away from my art for a bit, but I would’ve made that sacrifice to get a good amount of money in my pockets. Then since moving to Atlanta, I had applied for a few jobs here and there, but held back a lot because I didn’t want to get stuck in a job I didn’t want to be in realizing that maybe the sales job wouldn’t have been a good fit (obviously, because the Universe showed me it wasn’t). I had a way to make money right away through Postmates, but for whatever reason, I kept putting that off.
So now, of course, my bank account had been looking a liiiiiitle slim and it has been making me anxious. To be completely honest with you all, I was kind of hoping for the Universe to pull through. I thought to myself “I have a week before I move into to my permanent place, so I’m going to take this week to enjoy myself and not stress”. But the email in my account that read “Account Overdrawn” told me otherwise. Don’t worry, I have money in savings that I reluctantly did not want to transfer, but here we are. I took THAT as a sign from the Universe that I better get my butt in gear or I won’t have money to move ANYWHERE! I drove for Postmates for a few hours last night, had a wonderful time experiencing the city, going into new restaurants, and delivering to lovely people. Then I came back to my Air BnB and started writing in my journal.
“You love yourself, right? Well you’re finding weird ways to show it”.
Have you ever found yourself sabotaging your life? Putting off making money because there’s other important stuff to do? Like sleep? Or scroll through social media? Have you ever gotten to the end of your days frustrated with how much you still want to accomplish, but you woke up at 10am so there’s no wonder why you’ve run out of time? Or maybe you buy some fast food because it would take you too long to cook, but you feel like crap afterwards and realize you don’t need to be spending $10 on a meal when you have plenty of food at home? Don’t you want to feel comfortable when you look at your bank account? Feel excited when you wake up and satisfied when you go to bed? Feel energized after a good meal? Sorry if this is frank, but people who love themselves would want those things.
Why do we allow ourselves to take these actions (or inactions) when we know it won’t make us feel better? Because of a slight sacrifice of gas, time, and money? I don’t think it’s because we hate ourselves. Why would we hate ourselves? I think it’s because we are not conscious of how to love ourselves and what that really means. If our body is hungry and we think it’s best to feed it now with a burger and fries rather than take 15 minutes to cook a good meal at home, it’s truly because we think that’s what’s best in the moment – laziness or not. If we have tasks to do at home, we think it’s best to focus on those rather than make possibly $20 delivering food for a couple hours at night. And if we are tired from the night before, we think rest is the best choice when, really, discipline is the way to go.
Self-love is not just about rest and recovery. Self-love is committing to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to prioritize what is important to you, even if it’s not something you WANT to do. Who the hell WANTS to wake up early? Trust me, NO ONE. Not even millionaires. But they KNOW that waking up early is the best way to start the day because they love themselves and following that commitment and discipline of waking up early is the first thing they can do to show it.
Sometimes I feel I am getting a little too personal on this blog, but truly, I don’t care. I’m just telling my story. If someone is in the same position as me, maybe you can relate. As I said before, we are ALL leveling up TOGETHER!
How are you finding ways to love yourself today? Comment them below!
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