3 Thoughts You May Have Forgotten That Are Holding You Back

“Your reputation is merely what others think of you; your character is what you do when you think nobody is looking.” -Rubel Shelly

The past four years of my life have been a back and forth of failing and learning. I actually wanted to start the road of self-development and helping others at the beginning of those four years, but I thought I needed to learn a lot more before I started. Probably the biggest lesson I needed to learn was that I am worthy. I could’ve started this four years ago, absolutely! But I didn’t think I was worthy. So now that we’re here, I can proudly say…I’m still figuring it out (haha). But I know I am worthy ENOUGH to share my words and my lessons with others in hopes that it will help them on their journey. Like you!

If you’ve read a couple of my previous posts, I’ve mentioned that I’m moving to Atlanta, GA. Moving day is now in THREE DAYS! From leaving my job a week ago and planning my move, it has been slightly stressful and I have reminded myself of a lot.

Side note: These topics I talk about aren’t NEW. They are subjects and ideas people have been talking about for years! Some teachers feel we knew all of this when we were birthed, but obviously a lot happens between birth and adolescence that you have no control over so we typically find those lessons buried underneath a lot of stress and false truths.

Anyway, I’m just saying, I get these reminders and revelations as a “Oh yeah! I need to keep this in mind”. And maybe they’re reminders for you too, at just the right time, from just the right source. Here are three things you might be forgetting to be aware of that are holding you back from leveling up.

1. You are focusing on what you can’t control.

I remember I was producing a queer comedy show with one of my friends and we would be naming off people who we wanted in the show, discussing themes, making prop lists, etc. I remember her asking in a nervous and stressed tone quite a bit “What if no one shows up??”. This kept coming up and initially it would give me a sense of embarrassment thinking “Wow what IF no one showed up?” but after a while of that, I asked her “Well, what IF no one showed up? What would we do?” It kind of stumped her, so I proceeded, “We will at least have the performers. They won’t bail.” The venue we were hosting the show at, that was a lot of the shows anyway! A small comedy theater where the audience was just the other performers! I continued “And honestly, that would be a lot of fun! We could get really intimate with the audience, not a ton of pressure because there aren’t a lot of people, and it would definitely be memorable with how little of an audience we had!” I think I stopped around there, she agreed, and we continued our planning.

Why do we automatically go into defense mode when we are in a new situation? It can even be an old situation that’s been played over and over again. We are so focused on the parts that we cannot control that we forget to pay attention to the things we CAN.

Don’t focus on the results, someone’s reaction, or other things outside of your control, focus on your efforts. If you are putting the effort in that you need to, you will know and you will love yourself for it.

2. Taking Action = Taking Chances

I understand a lot of work that gets done by artists is behind closed doors, but in order for the world to see ‘em, ya gotta open those doors sometimes!! Taking chances can mean presenting your work to others, starting something new that you don’t know much about, asking another person whom you adore to collaborate on a project with you. You can write an entire movie script, which is definitely a lot of action (good job!), but if you don’t ask someone to read your script for feedback, start putting the pieces together for a table read, or ask producers, directors, actors, makeup artists, etc. to work with you, then what action have you taken that REALLY matters?

It reminds me of a quote from Les Brown. He says: “The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

You HAVE to put yourself out there and take chances. Even if that means your reputation with others is at stake, the chance of looking silly or ridiculous is on the table, or the fact that you might be rejected is possible.

You. have. to. take. chances.

3. You’re Not Ok With Where You’re At

This is a big topic for me and one that has come up quite a bit. You can’t get to where you want to go if you are not ok with where you’re at. Anything you accomplish or receive will not be good enough because you’re not at “that place” you want to be. Say you want to win an Oscar, but you’re not ok with living in a studio apartment with no car, and eating ramen noodles every day. You could get casted in a short film, it’s released 4 months later, receive film festival awards, you receive an award for your acting, all of this great stuff – but you’re still in your studio apartment with no car and eating ramen noodles every day. “Well, that’s great,” you say, “but I’m still here and still haven’t won an Oscar”. If you believe in The Law of Attraction, you can almost predict that you will not be getting many short film opportunities in the near future (it’s kind of a miracle that you got one in the first place with that attitude!), it can set you into a depression, create shame towards yourself, your work, your place in life and so on. But what you don’t understand is the goal should not be an Oscar.

The goal should be to become as good of an actor to win an Oscar. Again, you can only focus on your efforts, not the results.

You HAVE to be ok with wherever you’re at to get to where you’re going. It is all a part of the journey. You are here to experience the journey, not to get to these certain places. If you were birthed just to get to death, why bother with living the life in-between? Focus on the journey, love the journey, cherish it, thank it, make the most of it, and be ok with it.

You are in charge of your destiny. That fact can either scare you or empower you. Allow it to empower you.

Level Up! With Shay