Fear, Anxiety, Doubt. What They Are & Action Steps To Stop Them.

If I could sum up the root of any and all of my problems, bad attitudes and negative mindsets in three words they would be fear, anxiety, and doubt. Every day I deal with at least one of them. That doesn’t make me an unsuccessful or negative person as these feelings are normal. But instead of fear, anxiety, and doubt keeping us alive like they were meant to do, in this day and age all they are good for is to hold us back.

Everyone probably knows the basic meaning of these three thoughts and feelings, but I’m here to go into a little more depth. Think of it like this – the idea of building a 50 story building can be very taunting, but if we understand that it’s going to take one piece at a time to build it up, then it’s a lot more calming. Just like fear, anxiety, and doubt – if we understand what they are and where they come from we can think more critically when we face them!

FEAR

I like to break down fear like this – False Evidence Appearing Real. Unless you are under immediate physical threat, your fear is all made up in your mind. For example, imagine you are fearful of asking another person out at a bar. They are at one side and you are on the other. What’s going through your head? “I want to approach that person and say hi, but what if they say no?” “What if I approach them and then I have nothing to say?” “What if I go over there and their significant other is coming out of the bathroom. I mean they HAVE to have an SO, look at them!”. CUT scene! Do you realize NOTHING has ACTUALLY happened? Except maybe you’ve been staring at your crush for a little too long as you contemplate the different disaster scenarios in your head. The evidence of it being a disaster is completely false, but appearing SO REAL in your own head that it causes your body to respond with fear!

Think about how you use FEAR in your everyday life. Whether on social media, in your business, at work, in your relationships, or so many other places!

ANXIETY

Anxiety is defined as “a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one’s daily activities”. While fear and anxiety are closely related, anxiety is more of a future based uncertainty rather than in the moment of understood (or misunderstood) possible threats. I had an anxiety attack a few months ago in quarantine. I was in a great, productive mood while re-watching an episode of my podcast Level Up! With Shay when my mind suddenly started running 100 miles an hour. To be completely honest with you, I realized in that moment, I feared success. Things were going so well, I was so excited to get my podcast going, I was loving the content, loving the guests and thoughts started flooding into my head – “What if you can’t do it? You can’t do this. This is too big for you. You can’t keep up with what you want, you are going to fall off.” Even now, as I write this, the anxious feeling comes up again. The uncertainty of the future all of a sudden felt like a threat to me!

DOUBT

Pretty plain and simple, doubt is uncertainty. And in the way I’m speaking, a negative uncertainty. Most likely, if you’re like me and following your dreams, you doubt if your dreams will happen or if your smaller goals will ever be reached. Why do we doubt? Lack of confidence, focusing on the past, deeply held beliefs that success (or whatever it is you’re doubting) has never happened in your family or to the people around you, etc. We can be, for example, looking for evidence somewhere that we can make $1 million. Well, considering you work a 9-5, make $15 an hour and have enough in your bank account for a burrito bowl at Chipotle isn’t great evidence to support your dream of being a millionaire. Doubt is also a lack of conviction. A lack of a strongly held belief that you can do something or get something you really want.

In what ways do you doubt yourself in your daily life?

Now that I’ve generally spelled out where FEAR, ANXIETY, and DOUBT come from, how do you overcome them? There are a few practices and steps that I use to get out of these states.

1. Awareness + Ask Yourself Questions

Like I mentioned before, FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. If we slow down our brains a little bit and ask ourselves what is true and what is false, we can pick apart the feeling of fear and get back on track.

If I use the example of you asking someone out from above, you would dismantle fear by being aware of your thoughts in that moment (probably look away from the other person first, don’t want it to get weird).

“I want to approach the person and say hi, but what if they say no?” In your head, you are imagining the pain and embarrassment of walking over to your crush, asking them out, and them POSSIBLY rejecting you. OUCH. Bigger OUCH for something that hasn’t even happened yet. It is FALSE that the person said no already. It hasn’t even happened!

“What if I approach them and then have nothing to say?” Again, you are imagining the awkwardness of the moment when you walk over to your crush, you freeze, they look at you like “Um hello? Why are you bothering me?” and now you have to live the rest of your life as a failure. WRONG! That is FALSE! Again, you haven’t approached them, so this is FALSE evidence that is giving you a REAL sense of fear! What if you DID go over there and had nothing to say? Maybe you could be honest and say “I wanted to come over here and talk to you, but now I realize I can’t think of anything to say. Whoops!.” The person might laugh and it could be a fun icebreaker!

2. Breathe + Step by Step

Anxiety can show up in many different ways and also in the ways we cope with it. I’ve used eating, watching tv, picking my nails, my hair, scrolling through social media, and other things to cope with anxiety. As you can see, those aren’t very healthy or productive ways to do so. Having an anxiety attack, like the one I mentioned from me fearing success, is another ball game. There are a few different physical exercises to do when you’re having an anxiety attack, one technique in particular – 5-4-3-2-1 – that I have linked up HERE. But my strategy for coping with generalized anxiety is my own, not a scientific technique.

The moment I feel anxiety, usually about the tasks I have to do for my business or the money in my bank account, my mind tries to find ways distract me. “Oh you have to edit a video? Well it sounds like you’re stressed about it. Let’s watch some TV to calm you down.” That’s actually very nice of my brain! It’s trying to keep me safe. But I KNOW what will be BEST for me is to edit my video so I can stay consistent with my content creation and posts, to grow my following, share people’s messages, and continue to inspire and motivate more people to LEVEL UP THEIR LIVES! So, Netflix will not do.

When the urge of distraction creeps up, slow down. Take a step back. Again, it is always helpful to be aware of your thoughts. Grab your phone and set a timer for 5 minutes. NOTHING ELSE! DO NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE ON YOUR PHONE! Now, close your eyes and focus on your breath as you take them deeply. Start to count your breath. Breathe in – 1. Breathe out. Breathe in – 2. Breathe out. All the way up to 10 and when you hit 10, start back at 1. Since thoughts are going wild in your head, this gives your brain a little bit of a break. After your 5 minutes are up, take another breath in and focus on the VERY NEXT STEP you need to take. I want to say that again. Focus on the VERY NEXT STEP. Not all the steps you will have to take to get to the end. THE NEXT STEP. Are you writing a blog post 🙂 ? 1. Get out your computer. DONE. 2. Open up your notepad. DONE. 3. Start writing. YAY! Do you need to do the dishes you’ve been putting off for 3 days? 1. Stand up. 2. Walk to the sink. 3. Start filling the sink with water and soap (or however you do the dishes). Anxiety makes your brain feel like a tangled web of thoughts, so slowing down and focusing on the very next step to complete your task helps untangle the web.

3. Lead With Conviction

Doubt is a biggie – it is a killer of dreams. So many people have dreams and DON’T EVER START because they completely doubt their abilities and themselves. But right now, you are going to learn how to eradicate it!

In order to get rid of doubts, you have to completely flip your belief system. Sounds like a lot of work, but it all starts with the NEXT step. AGAIN, start by being aware of your thoughts! Every time you say (out loud or in your head) you can’t do something or you’re not good enough for someone, abruptly stop that thought. If you need to say it over again just for observation, do so. Now FLIP IT.

Initial Thought: “I want to gain more followers on my social media business account but it’s so hard and really you can only do that if you have a following already and a team that makes really good looking content.”

Where does this come from? Probably past experience of trying to gain a social media following and failing, so now it’s OBVIOUS that it can only be done if certain factors are there. Well, you probably didn’t gain a following in the first place because of your BELIEF. This isn’t The Secret Field of Dreams where if you believe it, they will come. But when you hold the belief that you won’t gain followers, you most likely will not do research on the best ways to gain followers, the best content to create on a budget, how to create a compelling story through social media, finding your niche, and so on.

Flipped thought: “As I find the best people to learn from on how to make simple and valuable content for my audience, the right audience will show up.”

Now, say this thought 5 times OUT LOUD. Or write it down and then say it out loud as you’re writing! Breathe in, say the flipped thought, breathe out. And so on. Change the flipped thought however you’d like, but remember that just staying “positive” isn’t a changing of a belief (ie. I believe followers are coming. I believe followers are coming. I believe followers are coming). This type of erroneous thinking actually just pushes your negative belief further because you truly DON’T believe followers are coming. Beliefs are changed by FLIPPING the script and consistent repetition. YOU CAN DO IT!

Now that we’ve dug into FEAR, ANXIETY, and DOUBT, I hope you understand them a little more AND have picked up a few ways to lessen those feelings in order to bring more confidence, faith, and conviction into your life!

Do you have any thoughts or specific ways you deal with FEAR, ANXIETY, and DOUBT? Comment below!

Level Up! With Shay